anyone can tell that you don't care.

so, i'm coming down from alcohol again.
i'm using excuses at all times and this is my current one.

alcohol is a depressant.

i keep falling in love with _ over and over again even though i haven't seen him since november. the very thought of not knowing when i'll have a chest to sleep on again is driving me crazy.

so i drink.

...

and i drank.

the blurred night contained stranger-talk, eye contact, cupcakes and marriage.

the wedding was mine. i'm chocked. and it's legal.

in like 3 states of the U.S

gave my number to a stranger. i don't know why.

he had a girlfriend. that he denied.

we went out for a couple of beers the day after and i ended up passing out in his bed.

decided to come back to sydney today even though louise wanted me to stay.

bitter bureaucracy is better dealt with alone.

but somewhere on the way home david got invited over to mine and we went grocery-shopping.

i was fighting pointless tears while choosing ketchup and looking for tofu.

all this love-less-ness is fucked. it's lonely even in peoples company, i want to fall for everything i see just to have the feeling of _being around again.

he hates me. he thinks i'm vicious and manipulative.

perhaps he's right.